Human
The human, or Nosius pickius (see picking nose) is a creature that is just like every other animal, except he or she wears clothes, thinks he or she is better that everything else, and is known for digitally manipulating their vestibular cavaties, or to put it scientifically, picking their noses! Humans walk on four legs initially, then two legs, and then they ride around in SUVs. Humans are inventors, they either invent things that try to exterminate their own race, such as nukes, guns, high fat foods like cheese puffs, missiles, and cars, or things that have no use at all, except to clonk people on the head with such as Frisbees or rubber duckies. Humans also have a strange attraction to sticky things, from eating paste early on, to extracting boogers as child, to overusing sticky notes as an adult, to using that wierd denture ooze stuff later in life.
Lifestyle
The human diet consists of Gatorade and Hot Pockets. Humans live in large boxes called houses, or small houses called boxes. Humans instinctively have fears of big words, vegetables, and ninja-turtles. Humans are fascinated by the simplest of things, such as yo-yos, Guitar Hero, and Sesame Street. (You know you love Elmo. You can't hide from the truth.) Humans are real wimps, and always need help from the aliens, who come down and build the pyramids or Great Wall or whatever and then erase everyone's memory in a similar fashion as the Men in Black.
Impact
Animals have protested against humans since the dawn of time. We are unknowingly engaged in a constant war with animals. Here is a list of their major attacks so far:
Termite Attacks: The termites invade our house and proceed to devour them.
Our defense: Those Corky's ads are so catchy, everyone knows who to call when the termites attack. No, not Ghostbusters.
Bee Swarms: The bees emerge and attempt to sting everyone.
Our defense: With so much smoking these days, the bees didn't stand a chance. They all just fell asleep.
Racoons: Racoons invade and inflict mass disaster, upturning trash cans, and creating huge messes.
Our defense: Simple. We invent roadkill.
Attack of the Skunks: Skunks march in and use their stinky power to wreak havoc.
Our defense: We were frightened for a while, but we soon found that if we removed the stink glands, all that was left was a cute, cuddly pet skunk.
Bulls: Bulls go on a rampage, destroying everything in their path.
Our defense: Humans actually find this amusing and entertaining and wave red sheets in front of bulls to show off their daredevilness, only to get prodded in the rear with a pair of rather long horns. Spectators find this hilarious. Other folks enjoy running from bulls, such as in the Running of the Bulls. As you can see, we humans are not the sharpest crayons in the box.
Shark Attacks: The sharks swing by and threaten to devour us.
Our defense: This did shake us up for a while. The film Jaws only made it worse. But after three sequels, the fear began to die down. And after Finding Nemo protrayed sharks as friendly buddies, our comfort was fully restored.
