Rock (music)

This article is about the outrageously loud, ear-piercing (literally) form of music. For the hard thing, see Rock.

      Rock, also known as noise, is form of music that was originally intended as a military weapon, but was somehow leaked to the general public and was declared a "revolution."


Origin

      Rock was invented General John D. Yahkovich as a military weapon. Yahkovich (see pic) knew that most people were afraid of their weapons like tanks, helicpoters, and missiles. He realized that all of them had something in common: they were made out of heavy metal. Yahkovich thought that if he could create a noise that resembled the sound of banging and crashing metal, it would be the ultimate weapon. He searched for a group of people who would be capable of making this noise, and he found a few folks with skulls on their shirts and metal rings through their ears. These people were recruited and produced a horrifying, screeching, scratching, screaming, crashing, banging, rattling, ear-piercing, train-wrecking, wailing, booming, blasting, and kuhzoomaslpeeching performance. Yahkovich knew that this was what he was looking for.


Exposure

      Yahkovich experimented with this new "hard rock" on test subjects. His soilders said that he would " rock a fella' ", and his last name was changed to Rockefeller. Rockefeller became rich from selling his rock albums to the military.

      One day, Rockefeller's butler discovered his iPod in his coat pocket, and decided to listen to it. His was terrifyed by the rock "music" and threw the iPod out the window. The iPod landed on the head of a man named Elvis Presley, who sang much milder versions of the songs he heard. Many years later, America was not a mild country anymore, and resorted the the original music. Who would have known that Black Sabbath's Iron Man was a direct variation of Elvis Presley's Hound Dog? Luckily, Slickipedia knew.


Critisism

      Rock has been critisized by orginizations such as Stop Human Cruelty, as rock can cause major destruction of the brain. Rockefeller replies, "Dude, that's the whole point of a military weapon! Have you been living in a hole in the ground your whole life? Newsflash: The Revolutionary War is over!"